


Comforting Barba

by w_s



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:19:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7042234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_s/pseuds/w_s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set after the Walter Briggs death and after the death of Barba's abuela. Just something that has been rattling around in my mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comforting Barba

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic so I hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think and how I could improve it.

Barba sat in his office with several papers in front of him but he had stopped even trying to focus on them. He felt numb. He kept replaying the few hours over and over again. Arriving at his Abuela’s apartment, seeing the ambulance, having his mother tell him she had passed, holding his mother while they both cried. After a few hours of comforting and getting things his order he told his mother he had to go back to work. It was a lie. He didn’t have anything pressing to work on. He just had to get out of there. He felt useless and he hated feeling useless. So he came back to the office. Every other time he had been upset he could throw himself into his work. It was one of the reasons he had done so well in school and then in work. It wasn’t working this time though. He just stared at the wall straight ahead. Numb. He couldn’t cry anymore even if he wanted to. What he wanted was to sleep for the next day, week, maybe forever. He poured himself another glass of Scotch from the bottle which sat in his bottom drawer. Before now it had been mostly untouched. Only occasionally after a particularly tough case might he and Benson share a glass. It was quickly becoming empty as he just sat and stated.   
A light knock on the door broke him out of his trance. “Uh, yeah. Come in.” He was surprised to see Olivia walk through the door. It was late even for her to still be working.   
“Hi Barba. I was just dropping off some paperwork but I saw the light on. I’m surprised to see you here.” She smiled warmly and placed the files on her desk. He gave a weak smile in response but couldn’t speak. “Are you okay?” Her tone shifted when he didn’t reply. The counsellor was never lost for words. She looked into his eyes and realized his mind was somewhere else.   
“Fine.” He managed to mutter.   
“Are you sure?” She slowly reached a hand out and placed it on his. He shook his head. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”   
“She … she’s gone. Really gone.”   
“Your abuela?” She breathed. He nodded. The feeling of being numb went away and despite trying to hold them back tears streamed freely down his face. Olivia moved around his desk and knelt beside him. She turned his chair so they were facing each other. He was sobbing now and he didn’t care. He was too destroyed to care or to even think about how unprofessional or embarrassing this was. She held both his hands firmly.   
“It’s … it’s my fault.” He blurted out.   
“No, no it’s not.”  
“She never wanted to leave her home and I forced her to. It’s my fault … I killed her.”   
“You did not. You did not kill her. It was … it was just her time.” He managed a nod but he didn’t believe it. After noticing the almost empty bottle of Scotch and smelling his breath she realized that he was pretty drunk. At first he had protested saying that he should do some more work and would be fine to get home alone. “You’re not going to be working more tonight. Come on, I’ll get us a cab.” She managed to convince him. When he stood up it became clear to her how drunk he actually was. He was swaying and had difficulty getting his jacket on. Normally, taking care of drunk people made her feel sick with memories of her mother. It was different with Rafael though. She could tell it wasn’t common and she could tell that he needed someone – she was glad that someone was her.   
It was pouring down rain when they got outside and finding a cab took longer than expected. By the time they got to Barba’s apartment they were both soaking wet. The cold and rain had done nothing to sober up Barba.   
Barba’s apartment was everything Olivia expected it to be. It was on the smaller side but quite nice. It was sparsely furnished but what he did have was of high quality and quite tasteful. It was the apartment of a single man with a good job who didn’t actually spend much time at home. “Thank ‘Liv.” He mumbled as he stumbled towards the couch. “You can go home now. I’m fine.”   
“No, I’m staying for a bit. You need me.”  
“Noah?”   
“Noah is with Cragen and Eileen tonight and tomorrow. Her grandkids are in town and they invited him over for a sleepover and the zoo.” She explained. Barba nodded slightly but looked like he was about to fall asleep. “You can’t sleep yet. You have to change out of those wet clothes and eat something and drink some water.”  
“I’m fine.”   
“No, you’re not. You’ll thank me in the morning when you don’t wake up with both a horrible hangover and pneumonia. I’m going to find you some clothes.” She began walking towards his bedroom. Normally, he would have objected to having someone rifle through his stuff but he was too drunk to care. Olivia wasn’t surprised when she opened up Barba’s drawer and saw that it was unbelievably tidy. Everything was perfectly folded and organized so it didn’t take her long to find a pair of pyjama pants and t-shirt.   
“Alright. Here are some clothes.” She handed them over but as Barba attempted to untie his shoes she realizes he needed help. She felt like he was helping Noah get ready – actually she thought Noah was easier. She untied his shoes, unbuttoned his jacket, his vest, his shirt (god, he wore a lot of clothes) and then helped him put the t-shirt on. She didn’t know what to do next. It wasn’t really appropriate to take her colleagues pants off but she also knew he couldn’t sleep in them when they were soaking wet like that. Maybe he could manage the pants by himself. He would have to she decided. She stood up and got ready to tell him that he would need to it but he clearly got the message – or at least part of it. Clearly, he had lost all sense of shame at the bottom of the Scotch bottle because when he looked over he was pulling off his pants and boxers. She caught a glimpse and then forced her eyes way – though she was surprised to see that she liked what she saw. He wriggled into the dry pyjamas and flopped back onto the couch. He seemed hardly aware that Olivia was even there.   
“I’m going to make you something to eat and get you some water.” Olivia stammered. She sighed but wasn’t surprised to see that there was pretty much nothing in his fridge except an orange and some take out boxes which by the smell were too old to be eating. The pantry was also mostly empty, except for a large supply of coffee, and yes some bread that hadn’t gone mouldy and a bit of peanut butter. When she came back Barba was asleep but still sitting up. She shook him awake. “Come on Barba you have to eat.” He woke up and looked extremely confused as to why she was there but shrugged and ate the toast and downed the glass of water.   
The food and water had helped sober Barba up a bit. He still couldn’t fully remember getting home or why Olivia was there or when he had changed clothes but he also didn’t really care. He felt comfortable. It was nice to not be alone. He still remembered why he had started drinking first and when he thought about the reason it felt like he was being stabbed. “You’re wet.” He stated.   
“What?”  
“Your clothes. You’re wet. I have clothes – go put something on.” He gave a drunken smile. Olivia hadn’t really noticed but she was still soaking wet and quite cold. She went and found another pair of pyjama pants and an old, and impossible soft, Harvard shirt. They both smelled like him.   
“Olivia.” He spoke as she walked back into the living room. He was crying again. Not sobbing like before though. Rather tears silently streamed down his face. “Thank you.” He moved towards her – still a little uneasy on his feet and hugged her. They embraced for a while. They didn’t speak. There was no need.   
\---


End file.
